Art, Francois Cavanna

When Michelangelo finished the painting of the Sistine Chapel's ceiling, he spent the rest of his life trying to remove the paint that had poured into his sleeve.

- François Cavanna (1923- )

Smile, Marilyn Monroe

Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.

- Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962)

계속 웃어요, 인생은 아름다운 것이고 웃을 일도 많아요.

- 마를린 먼로 (Marilyn Monroe)

Jokes, Marilyn Monroe

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.

- Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962)

Dog, Marilyn Monroe

Dogs never bite me. Just humans.

- Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962)

Today I didn't do it!!

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did
I do today?"

"Yes", he replied reluctantly.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!"

Female, Marilyn Monroe

If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.

- Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962)

Economics, George Bernard Shaw

If all the economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

- George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950)

Dog, Sally Brown

Today for "Show and Tell" I have brought my brother's dog. (watches as Snoopy begins to dance in front of the class) Which may turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life! (13 Sep 73)

- Sally Brown

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sally_Brown
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Peanuts#Sally_Brown

Husbands·Wives, Anonymous

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

- Anonymous

Writing·Reading, Mark Twain

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Duh..., Frank Rizzo

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.

- Frank Rizzo (1920-1991), ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

Duh..., Marion Barry

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

- Marion Barry (1936- ), Mayor, Washington, D.C.

Appearance, Al Gore

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

- Al Gore (1948- ), U.S. Vice President

Life, Charlie Brown

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Why me?"
Then a voice answers, "Nothing personal... your name just happened to come up."

- Charlie Brown (13 Nov 93)

---

http://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/1993/11/13/

A boy and the doorbell

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell.

He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"

The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"

Humor, Anthony Burgess

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.

- Anthony Burgess (1917-1993)

Car accident

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Humor, Bertolt Brecht

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

- Bertolt Brecht (a German poet, playwright, and theatre director; 1898-1956)

4 year old son

Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4 year old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself. We would spar around for a few minutes before supper.

One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was friendly and allowed my son to try on
several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home and he replied, "yes".

The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "Do you want a box?"

Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose. After grabbing our son we had to spend the next several minutes explaining WHY this happened. Luckily, our salesman was the father of a 4 year old.

Little Emily's stomach hurt

Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt.

Her mother replied, “That’s because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."

The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."