[Humor] Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"

Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"

Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."

Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"

Which Service?

Which Service?

A young boy was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls. When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby woman, “Who are all those men in the pictures?”The woman replied,“ Those are our boys who died in the service.”Surprised, the youngster asked, “Was that the morning service or the evening service?”

A women he wanted to marry....

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thought for a moment and said, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they met again and his friend said, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answered, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

Beauty, Oscar Wilde

The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain.

― Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), The Importance of Being Earnest

Attitudes, W. C. Fields

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

- W. C. Fields (1880-1946)

Universe, Laughter

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.

- Jean Houston (1937- )

Cat, Ryan Wolfe

Natalia: What does a girl usually do before a date?
Ryan: Make me wait in the living room with her cat?

- CSI: Miami, Power Trip (7.09)

Rich,Your Highness (2011)

Belladonna: Look at yourself. Why would anyone ever want to be with you?
Leezar: Hm, I'm not sure really. Oh yeah, perhaps because I'm rich, I live in a castle and I can do magic.

- Your Highness (2011)

Attraction, Rachel Nichols as Shana 'Scarlett' O'Hara from G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

Ripcord: Look, I think you and me got off on the wrong foot. See, I'm attracted to you. And you, you're attracted to me. And him, the damn Zen master, he creeps me out. What I'm trying to say is...
Scarlett: We're attracted to each other.
Ripcord: Thank you!
Scarlett: That's what you're saying. It's not what I'm saying.
Ripcord: It's not. So, what are you saying?
Scarlett: Attraction is an emotion. Emotions are not based on science. And if you can't quantify or prove that something exists, well, then in my mind, it doesn't.
Ripcord: Okay. I'll get back to you on that one.

- Rachel Nichols as Shana 'Scarlett' O'Hara from G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/G.I._Joe:_The_Rise_of_Cobra

Comedy, Charlie Chaplin

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

- Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)

Love, Anonymous

Love is the delightful interval between meeting and discovering that looks like .

- Anonymous

From (Laura) Haddock to haddock.

Love, John Barrymore

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

- John Barrymore (1882-1942)

Joke, Eve Myles as Gwen from Torchwood

Martha: Jack's right. These attacks are not random. They're clinical, professional. More like assassinations.
Gwen: Except Barry Leonard was a student. Who'd assassinate a student?
Martha: Student loans company?
Gwen: Yeah, I think you just cracked it.
[They both laugh.]

- Eve Myles as Gwen Cooper from Torchwood, Reset [2.6]

Birth, Selina Kyle from The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Selina Kyle: You don't get to judge me just because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor
Bruce Wayne: [interrupting] Actually, I was born in the Regency Room.

- Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle, The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Cognitive re-calibration, Natasha Romanoff from Avengers (2012)

Natasha Romanoff: [Clint is waking up from Loki's mind control] Clint, you're gonna be alright.
Clint Barton: You know that? Is that what you know? I got... I gotta go in though. I gotta flush him out.
Natasha Romanoff: You gotta level out, that's gonna take time.
Clint Barton: You don't understand. Have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Take you out and stuff something else in? You know what it's like to be unmade?
Natasha Romanoff: You know that I do.
Clint Barton: Why am I back? How'd you get him out?
Natasha Romanoff: Cognitive re-calibration. I hit you really hard in the head.
Clint Barton: Thanks.

- Scarlett Johansson as Natasha Romanoff from Avengers (2012)

Women, Friedrich Nietzsche

Woman was God's second mistake.

- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

여성은 신의 두번째 실수입니다.

- 니체

Life, Will Rogers

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

- Will Rogers (1879-1935)

Joke, The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Stryver: Do those heels make it hard to walk?
[Catwoman kicks Stryver from behind]
Catwoman: I don't know, do they?

- Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle / Catwoman, The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Hero, Catwoman from The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

[a couple thugs go to attack Lucius while he's handcuffed. Catwoman intervenes and beats them down]
Lucius Fox: [to Batman] I like your new girlfriend!
Catwoman: [she undoes his cuffs] He should be so lucky.

- Lucius Fox and Selina Kyle / Catwoman, The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Courage, Chinese Proverb

Only the brave deserve the fair.

- Chinese Proverb

However, only the rich, fat and cowardly merchants can afford the same.