Age, Sojin (Girl’s Day)

My age is…hm…secret!

- Sojin, Girl’s Day [GD Kira Kira Slim Ep. 1]

Education, Evan Esar (1899-1995)

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

- Evan Esar (1899-1995)

When you want to go someplace...

My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods.

"Listen to me!" his mother said sharply, "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"

Matthew thought about that for a moment and said: "Okay, Disney World."

[Humor] Before it starts...

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts."
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.

He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute."

The wife is furious. She yells at him, "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ..."

The man sighs and says, "It's started ..."