[Humor] In a bar

In a bar

A man that was drinking all day goes into a bar.
He demands a beer and is denied.
Yet he keeps asking the bartender.

Finally the bartender grabs him and throws him out.
Another man is walking by and the man who was thrown out stops him.
He says, "Hey, I'll bet you 100 dollars that I'm Jesus Christ."

The man walking by laughs at him and says, "Make it 500 dollars and you got yourself a bet."
The man claiming to be Jesus says, "Come with me into this bar and I'll prove it."

So they walk in and sit down at the bar.
Suddenly the bartender comes from the back of the bar and sees the man he threw out.

Angrily the bartender looks toward the man he just threw out and says "Jesus Christ, I told you to stay out of here."
The man walking by looks amazed and pays the man his 500 dollars.

[Humor] Painting

One March day my wife said that the house needed painting.
"It's still winter," I replied. "Forget it."

In April, she told me she had bought some exterior latex. I said that it was still too cold to paint.

In May, I heard her outside one day yelling for help, and we set up the ladder so she could start painting. Then I went inside to get a beer.

As I sat in a lawn chair not far from where my wife was working, a neighbor passed by. "Aren't you ashamed?" she asked. "How can you sit there drinking beer while your wife is up on a ladder painting the house?"

Glancing up at my wife, I responded, "She doesn't like beer."