USA Today: Editorial Cartoons

Editorial Cartoons

By Joel Pett, Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader, Cartoonists and Writers Syndicate, for USA TODAY

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http://i.usatoday.net/news/opinion/_photos/2010/08/02/e100802_pettpg-vertical.jpg

Pay Phone

A man needed to call home, but the only pay phone he could find was in use. So, he stood to the side and waited until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes.

Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there holding the phone to his ear but not saying a word.

Ten minutes later, he was still not talking.

Fifteen minutes later, he still wasn't talking.

Finally, the waiting man tapped the guy on the shoulder and asked if he could use the phone. "I really won't be long and I really need to make a short, but important call."

"Hold your horses," responded the man using the pay phone, covering the receiver. "I'm talking to my wife."

A little dwarf lady

A little dwarf lady

A little dwarf lady goes into her doctor's office complaining of an irritated crotch. After an examination, the doctor sighs, "I don't seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?" "Yeah, it's really bad whenever it rains," she replies. "Well, then," says the Doc, "Next time it rains, get in here at once, and we'll take another look at it."

Two weeks later, it's raining really hard, and the little lady shows up at the doctor's office. "Doctor, it's really bad today. Please, you have to help me!!" "Well, let's have a look," he says, as he lifts her up onto the table. "Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse, bring me a surgical kit. Don't worry ma'am, this won't hurt a bit."

The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. "There you go, ma'am, try that." She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, "That's great, Doc, what did you do?"

"I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots."

2007-05-15 04:09

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If you don't know what the causes are, you may think it is a big problem even though it is not so big at all.

A Blonde in a Court

A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?"

"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"

"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."

"I object!" the defense said again.

"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."

The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."

So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"

The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know."

AFI #033 Estelle Reiner as Customer from When Harry Met Sally (1989)

Harry: You don't think that I could tell the difference?
Sally: No.
Harry: Get outta here.

[Sally begins to fake an orgasm]
Harry: Are you OK?

[Sally continues very audibly, attracting the attention of nearly every customer in the cafe. Afterwards, she returns to eating her dessert]

Older Woman Customer: [to waiter] I'll have what she's having.

- Estelle Reiner as a Customer from When Harry Met Sally (1989)

The bolded line is ranked #33 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

AFI #053 Groucho Marx as Capt. Geoffrey T. Spaulding from Animal Crackers (1930)

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.

- Groucho Marx as Capt. Geoffrey T. Spaulding from Animal Crackers (1930)

The bolded line is ranked #53 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

AFI #064 Peter Sellers as Merkin Muffley from Dr. Strangelove (1964)

Merkin Muffley: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!

- Peter Sellers as President Merkin Muffley from Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

The bolded line is ranked #64 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

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http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Dr._Strangelove