Job, Sally Brown

(why she wants to be a nurse:) I like white shoes. (15 Jun 68)

- Sally Brown

Humor, Terry Cohen

He who laughs last is generally the last to get the joke.

- Terry Cohen

U.K., Colvin R. de Silva

(The sun never sets on the British Empire.) That's because God does not trust the British in the dark.

- Colvin R. de Silva (1907–1987)

U.K., Unknown history student

The sun never sets on the British empire because Britain is in the east and the sun sets in the west.

- Unknown history student

TV, Woody Allen as Alvy Singer from Annie Hall (1977)

[In California]
Annie Hall: It's so clean out here.
Alvy Singer: That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.

- Woody Allen as Alvy Singer from Annie Hall (1977)

Humor, John Kenneth Galbraith

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908-2006)

Duh..., Homer Simpson

Homer: My name's Homer Simpson, I'd like to sign up for something.
Mrs. Blumenstein: Well, we have an opening on the debate team.
Homer: Debate, like, arguing?
Mrs. Blumenstein: Yes.
Homer: I'll take THAT, you DINGPOT! Just warming up, Mrs. Blumenstein.
Mrs. Blumenstein: This year's topic is "Resolved: The national speed limit should be lowered to 55 miles per hour."
Homer: 55? That's ridiculous! Sure, it'll save a few lives, but millions will be late!

- Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, [2.12] The Way We Was

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http://simpsonswiki.net/wiki/The_Way_We_Was/Quotes