[Humor] Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"

Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"

Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."

Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"

Which Service?

Which Service?

A young boy was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls. When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby woman, “Who are all those men in the pictures?”The woman replied,“ Those are our boys who died in the service.”Surprised, the youngster asked, “Was that the morning service or the evening service?”

A women he wanted to marry....

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thought for a moment and said, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they met again and his friend said, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answered, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

Beauty, Oscar Wilde

The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain.

― Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), The Importance of Being Earnest

Attitudes, W. C. Fields

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

- W. C. Fields (1880-1946)

Universe, Laughter

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.

- Jean Houston (1937- )

Cat, Ryan Wolfe

Natalia: What does a girl usually do before a date?
Ryan: Make me wait in the living room with her cat?

- CSI: Miami, Power Trip (7.09)