Today I didn't do it!!

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did
I do today?"

"Yes", he replied reluctantly.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!"

Female, Marilyn Monroe

If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.

- Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962)

Economics, George Bernard Shaw

If all the economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

- George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950)

Dog, Sally Brown

Today for "Show and Tell" I have brought my brother's dog. (watches as Snoopy begins to dance in front of the class) Which may turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life! (13 Sep 73)

- Sally Brown

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sally_Brown
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Peanuts#Sally_Brown

Husbands·Wives, Anonymous

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

- Anonymous

Writing·Reading, Mark Twain

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Duh..., Frank Rizzo

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.

- Frank Rizzo (1920-1991), ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia