A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Monday, October 19, 2015
[Humor] A little boy and God
One day a little boy asks his mom questions about God.
He goes up to his mother and asks, "Mom, is God boy or girl?"
Not really know what to say the mother just says, "Well, son, he's boy and girl."
So he asks his mother, "Mom, is God black or white?"
Again not really knowing what to say, the mother tells her son, "Well, son, he's black and white."
So the little boy looks at his mother as though he finally understands and says, "Ohhhh, I didn't know that God was Michael Jackson!"
He goes up to his mother and asks, "Mom, is God boy or girl?"
Not really know what to say the mother just says, "Well, son, he's boy and girl."
So he asks his mother, "Mom, is God black or white?"
Again not really knowing what to say, the mother tells her son, "Well, son, he's black and white."
So the little boy looks at his mother as though he finally understands and says, "Ohhhh, I didn't know that God was Michael Jackson!"
Monday, September 21, 2015
A wise old gentleman
A wise old gentleman
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street.
Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.
A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A freaking' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street.
Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.
A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A freaking' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
Sunday, August 16, 2015
[Humor] Creditor
Creditor
An American couple is flying to New Zealand for a two-week vacation to celebrate their anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I have very bad news. Our engines have ceased to function and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an island below us we should be able to land on the beach. However, we may never be rescued.” Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely. An hour later, the man turns to his wife and asks, “Did we pay our credit cards?” “No, I forgot to do that.” Then the man grabs her and gives her a big kiss. “They’ll find us!”
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
There are teachers, and then there are educators.
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
[Humor] Atheist
Atheist
One evening, a young woman came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, “The man I dated today proposed to me.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s hell.”
The mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how wrong he is.”
One evening, a young woman came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, “The man I dated today proposed to me.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s hell.”
The mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how wrong he is.”
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Star, Will Rogers
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
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